Mistrust and Abuse


I was going to start this blog by writing about abusive parents and before I had a chance to write about it, a video came out on youtube about (explicit video) a judge who would beat his teenage daughter. Its a very explicit video, viewer discretion is advised. I cant believe parents would think that this kind of abuse is going to help or accomplish anything positive. So the kid downloaded music and software illegally on the internet, just like any other normal teenager. I feel like crying everytime I watch that video, reminds me of when I used to be a little boy, scared, frightened at the thought that I might get another lashing. Some say its discipline. I say its fear. I would never beat my child, you need to solve issues by communication and action that does not involve violence. The lifetraps that this kind of abuse produces later in life are very dangerous. How can this child trust anyone in the future? How can this child feel free to discuss anything with parents in the future?

One point I find interesting, is that the child is powerless, being abused by the people who are supposed to keep her safe. To help explain a lifetrap you might be going through in your life as a result of this kind of treatment, look to see if what you are doing put you in the same kind of circumstance as the beatings did. If so, you are reinacting the way you felt as a child being abused by people you shouldve been able to trust. So lets say you are a woman, who was beaten as a child, and now as an adult, you meet men online for anonymous sex and put yourself in unsafe situations, with cold men, who only want to use you. When the act is done, you feel terrible but, for some reason you keep doing it over and over as if you enjoyed it. When you ask yourself why you do this? You never know the answer. But if you would show this person the similarities between the abuse as a child and her behavior as an adult, it would be much clearer that she is reliving the pain she felt as a child. Our brains are wired for consistency, and although sometimes it seems unthinkable, our minds will make us do things we thought we would never dare try.

Im at the step of realizing that my abuse as a child is the reason to many of the problems I have in my life, and that knowing this gives me the power to change and move on to something else. Now that I know, I feel I can move on.

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