The process of change is difficult. Change is easier only if you believe it is possible for the change to be true. We need to go through a process of self-actualization, but our years of abuse, neglect, criticism, drug addiction, and other destructive forces work against us to make us weak and keep us from believing that change is possible.
Hope is a strong and healthy tool to help increase our belief that change can be true. We also need to satisfy our need to be desirable, competent, successful, attractive, worthwhile and to be good to the people around us. The need to express our emotions our needs our wants. The need to be creative, playful and pursue interests, hobbies and activities that make life fun and keep us healthy.
While change can seem easy in some circumstances, the more the change is close to core patterns that you have repeated for years and years can prove to be quite a challenge. Take smoking for example, many quitters keep going back despite their numerous attempts to quit. These patterns require long-term, systematic and continuous efforts to alter them.
Avoiding pain can be a very bad and one of your biggest obstacles to change. Sometimes, you have to face the pain and overcome in order to take control of your life. Like the child who could not defend himself when his dad would beat him with a belt, you need to scream out; you need to feel the pain, and make it known that it was not right. What he did was not right and he did not do the one thing a parent is supposed to do: Protect You!
While this was just one example of a situation where you might avoid the pain for years, and avoid talking about it to anyone because it is too painful to talk about. Many of us turn to drugs, or put ourselves in very high risk situations, re-living high levels of abuse that you have become accustom to. Putting ourselves in miserable conditions and devaluing our existence to the point where your life is literally at risk.
We need to create a vision for the future. We need to write down how we feel about the top 5 or top 10 problems in our lives and take baby steps towards resolving them. We have to remind ourselves why we want to change and why it is critical to our survival and happiness. We need to work towards self-actualization and make our dreams our priorities. No longer accept the things that cause us pain. Stand up to those who have abused, hurt or did not protect you when you were vulnerable.
Find someone your connect with; build a relationship, based on trust, based on love and affection. Humans are wired for social interaction and relationships. Build a vision for your life. Where do you want to be in 5 years? What would you be happy to do with your life? Be honest with yourself and place a high value on facing reality. Put a price to reality and every time you veer off-track, pay the price you have set. Motivate yourself to change, get help, ask a friend, and see a psychologist. When you are hopeless, when change seems impossible, when your symptoms interfere with your ability to lead a normal life. Get professional help.